So lately I’ve been cycling around. I start out very happy and satisfied; kind warm, fuzzy, carefree, and a little bit determined. Then I proceed to feel a heaviness creep into me that I only partly understand. This is when words become unsatisfactory and I would like to just be left alone. But at the same time very much want to express how I feel. However, the concepts floating around in my head don’t lend themselves easily to words then. This lasts for a day or two, then I wake up and am back to my happy self for a little while. Next comes frustration. As I try to take in information to make sense of the world, I only become more bewildered by conflicting opinions. And there are masses of them. Sometimes I feel like I’m shuffling around them like fallen leaves. Don’t get me wrong, the basic truths I’m pretty clear on. But it has been driving me insane not knowing what’s true when it comes to say, the interpretation of a novel, or the explanation of why cells know how to become specific body parts during fetal development, or what mature behavior is. There seems to be a thousand different opinions for everything and, frankly, I feel overwhelmed and exhausted at the thought of having to sift through them for the rest of my freaking life. *sigh* And if I’m not busy being frustrated with opinion, I’m very likely being frustrated by my own inconsistency and trying not to think too much about my potential for negative behavior.
Oh - and to top it all off, I think I’m starting to like ……………. country music. Yes, yes. It’s true. Not SUPER country. But still …. That’s the worst of it all. Ok, not really. ;P But not what I expected of myself.
But underneath it all, I sense something happening. Something positive. Some sort of growth, some sort of forward motion. And so I’m guessing this is just growing up. Which is, when all is said and done, kind of exciting.
